She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
