let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
