When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
