my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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