how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
