So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
