ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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