you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have post one night stand depression
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
