NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish I only lived at night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
