i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
