he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
