please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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