he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
