if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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