in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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