as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
