Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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