When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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