please come you make the beer taste better
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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