there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
