dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
