I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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