Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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