Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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