Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Alive.
So much puke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
