And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
