I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
