I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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