my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize