Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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