There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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