I think im going to throw up on grandma
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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