some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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