The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
