he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
