I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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