I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
