Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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