toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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