ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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