Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
