Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
