i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I want a musical about memes.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
