Your mouth is God's brothel.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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