So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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