Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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