Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
