I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
