ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
