Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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