Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
