I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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