It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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