she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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