question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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