the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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