Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Enjoy the penises
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
