He asked me if I "almost moaned"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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