Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
