Got a toothbrush?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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