I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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