I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
