He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
