Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're like the curious george of whores
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
