you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I lost the right to judge tonight
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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