no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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