In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
