i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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