youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
