the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
